Doing the best with what you have

Life lessons

Growing up we lived in a middle-class suburb with really nice houses, but my parents never once did anything to improve the house since they bought it from a white family who lived there before. If something broke it was never repaired if it was not necessary. I remember when we moved in there was a separate shower but when the shower stopped working, it was never repaired. Some years later the hot water system broke down and that was never repaired either. As time went on we just got on with making-do and we got used to warming bath water in the kettle if it was a bit cold. Zimbabwe is a very hot country anyway so we knew it was not really necessary to warm the water. I remember my parents used to go to white people’s houses when they were moving and they used to buy used furniture. There were many other things that were never repaired or updated, like repainting the walls or replacing the kitchen etc. Looking back now, my parents concentrated on educating and feeding us. The repairing of the house was was not a priority and financially it would have been a strain.

Compromising on how you live

Therefore it was a shock for me when I landed in England and we bought our first house and my colleagues were asking me if we were going to renovate our house, if we were going to change this and that, or if we were going to fit a new kitchen. It never occurred to us that we could change the house to suit our taste. We never once thought that we could buy and change the interior to our taste. The mindset we had was that we adjust to the house and not to customise the house to suit our taste. I have now come to realise that this mindset has led me to accept some aspects of my life where we should be customising our environment. We end up compromising on our taste and accepting whatever we are given. Don’t get me wrong it can be a bit expensive but it is worth it in the end when you have to either sell your house or refinance.

Don’t settle for mediocre places to live, but thrive to live in areas that are the best for you.

Compromising on where you live

Are we also making do when it comes to places we live in? Do we just go for places with the lowest rent when we arrive in the country we emigrate to and not explore areas that are safe for our children?. As a child, we never moved house again. When it came to buying our first home in the UK, we moved into a house in an area where we could afford. The area was not too bad. I never thought that I would ever move from there considering that I had only moved twice as a child and that was before the age of 8. So most of my childhood was spent in the same home. On the other hand, my husband had moved a few times as a child so he is the one who prompted us to move to a better area. Even now he still thinks we can move to another area. So don’t settle for mediocre places to live, but thrive to live in areas that are the best for you.

Compromising on your career

As a person who came from a country where unemployment was high, when it came to getting a job or applying for a job, it was not about a job that suited my passion, it was more of a job that gave me a roof over my head. Some of my university friends went on to start businesses. On reflection, they knew what they wanted and they customised their lives to what they wanted, not what was available.

Children’s Education

I will discuss schools again. When we arrive in England we are told that education is free. Is education really free in England? Is your child getting the best education, or are they making-do? Are you going the extra mile to find the best schools that your child can go to? As I mentioned in a previous article that at my children’s schools, there were not enough sports facilities and we had to pay to get them into extracurricular activities. When my older one was doing her GCSEs, she was not doing well in maths and one day she brought home a consent letter for her to attend a seminar on aiming for a “C” in maths. I got worried why her school was encouraging my child to aim for a “C” and not higher. I didn’t realise that by putting my faith in the school system to totally take care of my children’s education, I was making-do with my child’s education. Are we also allowing the school system to customise our children’s education or are we customising our children’s education?

Compromising on your diet

Another area of my life that I find myself making-do and not optimising my experience is diet. Diet is the one area that we should not compromise, as it can impact on our health negatively. Are we eating the best fish, fruit and vegetables or are we going for the cheap food and making-do when it comes to staying healthy?

Are we passing this making-do and compromising mindset to our children? Are we giving them the mindset of being able to grow and develop and be even better than us in their achievements? Will our children be able to carve their paths to suit their taste and passions as they grow?

Bongiwe Ndhlovu